June 13, 2007
The (even more) awkward years
When AEJ and I were in Florida last week, I found boxes of old photographs, ranging from pictures my grandfather took when he was in the army, to pictures of my mom and her siblings growing up, to pictures of me as a baby, all the way through to my high school senior pictures. I’ll share more as I scan them, but here are a few to get us started.
This is the only sincerely great picture in the bunch. These are my parents, probably in 1968 or so. Where are they? Why, they’re at band rehearsal! That’s right, they’re at their community concert band rehearsal. See – I try to hide it, but band is in my blood.
Then, a few years later, I came along. At first, I was cute enough. And happy. I’d get over that happy part real fast.
What’s happening in this class picture? AEJ says I look like I’m on The Shmaily Shmow. I think it looks like a promo still for an imagined and insufferable film, “The Lil’ Senator.”
Things got much more awkward from there, but I’m going to save the worst for last. Let’s jump ahead to my senior pictures. Look how earnest I can be! Don’t my eyes just cry, “it’s okay. I’m listening.” Good lord, I can’t believe the photographer actually put me in the most cliched pose ever used on film — and he even used it with soft focus. And why does it look like I’m wearing lip gloss? (That’s not a trick question. I’m not wearing lip gloss.)
The backgrounds in the next two pictures totally crack AEJ up. She pointed out that I graduated from high school in 1991, but these backdrops seem to be left over from the 80s.
This background — and sweater — is probably the best. Yes, I’m sitting in an aluminum foil box. Oh, and my sweater has tiny shiny green threads in it. And again with the shiny lips!
Okay, one more with that sweater. This background is edgy. I look a little like I have yellow antennae, which is pretty awesome.
I leave you today with this picture, which I think is from middle school — so I would have been, like, 13. I don’t know what’s best about this picture — my smirk, my pseudo mullet, my bad complexion, my fake velvet shirt, or my gold chain. I can’t figure out why I didn’t get more dates then.